Psilocybin risks when family is predisposed to psychosis

Several epochs can briefly describe my life, and it's at the end that I feel like I've hit a wall and am desperate for help/advice/assurance. (1) From as early as I can remember, I lived in a bubble - I was eating fast food three times a day, was glued to a computer screen, had no social life, poor hygiene, addicted to porn, wasn't made accountable for being irresponsible and neglectful towards the animals I was raising out on a little countryside 11-acre plot of land that I lived on - many of my animals and pets (rabbits, horses, dogs, cats, cows) went without food and water and lived in shit because my environment was like a drug den for impulsive pleasure seeking. I think my lowest point was when my mom contracted cancer for a period of two years, and for the most part my two brothers and I ignored her condition, letting her sleep as long as she wanted, and when she did die my brothers and I were almost relieved of her suffering, but I think we were also just taking advantage of the fact that it meant less responsibility for us to take care of her anymore, so we could hang out with our manchildren meme-spouting friends (the first group of friends my brothers and I ever had at about age 17). While my dad was in shock of her passage, my brothers and I were numb and we were not conscious of the gravity of what just happened. I got to use her car, go on a series of dumb misadventures with my friends as if to reclaim a lost age of being a teenager. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2) I was full of myself, and thinking back I thought I knew a lot but I was so naive, I had critical left-leaning political opinions, and looked the part of a hippie without any of the drugs that probably would have taken me out of my comfort zone. One friend who was much more down-to-earth, described my past self as unteachable. I let my hair grow out, I wore a long brown trenchcoat, and my sandals were almost always mucky from never showering because (again), I didn't care and I thought I was better for being au natural. I was about 20 years old at the time, and although I was in college (with the usual motions of chasing a grade instead of learning, which is common), I felt like it was time for a change of scenery, to go off and study abroad knowing that it would cost me about the same as staying as a commuter student. I didn't let my father know of these plans, but he let it slide once he knew everything was all in. Thankfully for him, he didn't have to pay out of pocket so much as he could take my mom's inheritence and apply it to this venture. It was perhaps the most important, begrudgingly significant chapter of my life and personal development. I made new friends over at Uppsala, Sweden; a college town with a diverse nightlife and beautiful European cityscape - the air was fresh almost all the time, the people oh-so polite towards my ridiculous get-up who also could tolerate the critical opinions and pseudo-philosophies I expelled to make sense of the small world I had lived in. And it was here I made real friends, learned how to work on a volunteer basis as a bartender and brunch host, and had experienced finer pleasures - compulsive Mtn Dew drinking turned into enjoying a beer/wine/coffee with friends, eating out all the time turned into learning how to cook for the first time (I cooked salmon with no seasoning on a cast iron skillet I didn't even know how to clean), pornography turned towards a more intimate and platonically sexual relationship with a friend - the same friend that helped me get out of my comfort zone and helped me look fashionable and actually kind of hot (long-hair gone, dyed it blonde one time and black in another, trenchcoat gone in exchange for pants and shirts actually fit instead of the large-sized hand-me-downs that I thought were normal). I made so many friends, didn't learn a lick of Swedish, failed almost all my classes, but had learned a hard lesson to go outside myself and listen in order to become more empathetic and intentional with my actions and words, but as someone who has never really needed to do that in his life, I was very much a kind of happy, peppy puppy of a boy who always meant well but never truly knew what he was doing - suffice to say I was a good friend but my perception was incredibly low. I was now then a kind of Swedish Prince, incredibly spoiled but as nice as I could make myself out to be. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (3) When I returned home, I had enough psychological mechanisms in place thanks to my roommate from abroad who had also lived in California (which is where I live and still do) to make a change in my life. To desire improvement. Though I was gone for a year, my home and the brothers I lived with had lived inside a time capsule. Everything from garbage out on the front porch, dog poop on the back porch, clothes on the carpet floor, the whole house being dark as a dungeon, a distinct smell of dander and filth, dishes in the sink, and my brothers - as usual - glued to their computer screens. My manchildren friends were hanging out too, and I was scared and upset. They knew I might have come back as some kind of posh, holier-than-thou, prick and I certainly was. But at least I wanted to take up responsibility, and to change the conditions of the home... my home. It didn't work for long, though the house did become much cleaner, I still didn't understand the depth of adulting now that I was capable of taking on more responsibility, so I made a bunch of silly, stupid mistakes - but we all start somewhere. Letting my manchildren friends move into the home without clearing it up with my father out of sympathy (their cleaning habits were superior to my brothers which was a boon for me but it was disrespectful towards all the parents involved), buying a faulty car off of Craigslist for a $1000 with my tuition money (my dad hasn't let that one go), ate hella fast food and soda once again but through my work experience in Sweden I got a job at Taco Bell (before I was more of a leech and never had to work a day in my life - I sucked at the job but at least I got my start making an income for myself although I was still living at my dad's - and when he hinted at paying rent for staying at home again I just felt like that was an impossibility; an unrealistic expectation from where I was coming from). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (4) Eventually I had a college friend who wanted to move and so did I, so we decided to move to the town closest to the campus I was commuting at. I let my brother have ownership of the car, and I was able to get a transfer from the Taco Bell close to home to one closer on campus just after completing my degree with the bare, bare, bare minimum (I had three weeks to shape up or I wasn't going to graduate, so that meant ultimate bullshiting, writing two 10-page papers within one night, preparing a 15-minute presentation without actually finishing the project when it was supposed to be done, and ace-ing a couple quizzes or I'd be done for). Once I finished college, my adulting life really began. I had moved in with a black, disabled, intelligent man half my size and incredibly buff in his late 20s - who was polite but furious of the fact that my college friend and I weren't taking care of ourselves whether that was leaving dishes uncleaned, the shower dirty, not contributing to group meals, and so on. I learned these lessons hard, but eventually I understood and adapted. But it was really difficult, and I found out why after putting in the research as to where I was cognitively. He wasn't a mean fellow, but his intentionality was high and his perception cut through my own self-awareness, which I had so little of. He was the Black Dragon, thick in principle and will burn any hypocrisy to the ground. He was fair, he was kind, and a friend to many many people, but he had no time to babysit. I grew frustrated because I didn't understand how I kept fucking up, and so... My interest in nutrition began as a way to understand why I couldn't remember things, why I'd always forget, why I'd be happy-go-lucky but fall short on promises or plans, and why I just couldn't focus. It was chalked up as a condition of ADHD, but I found out there was a more physiological reason for it all. I couldn't make sense as to what these foreign feelings came from that I started to experience at this age - anxiety, depression, lethargy, regret, shame, a feeling of failure in comparison to my peers, and so on. I had learned by age 23 that my mental capacities were shot because of all the Taco Bell I would frequently consume, from the high-sugar and caffeine content of soda (which I have had almost all my life). When I learned about fasting for the first time, and had applied it for just one day by going through work and avoiding all cravings that came by, I had walked back home from work as if the world had reconfigurated itself, as if I felt a connection to the trees and grass and blue sky that I was passing by through the sidewalk. I felt amazing, I felt free. But addiction was hard to kick, and I learned much much later that the Scandinavian fascination I developed for coffee had made life more anxiety-prone which just made my worklife more miserable and my home life incredibly depressing for failing to adult within the parameters of my roommate, of whom I actually developed an intimate relationship with. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (5) The story of him and myself, was one of fire and ice, of accountability versus timidity, of burning frustration and frozen petrification; the Black Dragon and the Swedish Prince was our dichotomy, our polarity, but of almost divine necessity in how we came together. Long story short, I learned of the content of his character, and from him onto me. He had learned patience, and I had learned resilience. He was not abusive, but for a time I had given into victimhood to lower his standards of me, but instead he had forced himself to create a language suitable to my then fragile character from shattering because his greatest fear was losing his beloved from pushing him too hard, and we had many moments where he could not contain the amount of contradictory information I had helplessly divulged to him - it spoiled his character and me weak - and it was true, that I needed to grow up, that I needed to be independent, that he wanted to be a partner not a parent. I was so used to codependency, and I had just about worshiped him and felt like a failure in comparison. I was jealous of his soul - his wild imagination capturing numerous possibilities, his unwavering resolve towards adversity and confrontation when disrespect was unnecessary delivered towards a loved one or a mistreated stranger. What set us apart but brought us together was revealing to him that I did not share that deep level of intentionality, that my perception was uniquely different, that the behaviors that I subscribed to were out of reaction and emotion, not premeditation or deliberation. It was my unique intuition that had me fall in love with him, and so too it had me stay in our year-long tumultous relationship because I wanted to grow and understand so badly what it was I never learned when I was supposed to be "growing up." After much refinement of myself, in changing my dietary habits, and developing a stronger psychological resilience towards the adulting world, our disputes grew farther and farther apart with greater acceptance of constructive criticism and our resolves came more easily by deciding to take action to listen and communicate than to stand at a stonewall of emotionally crippling episodes that we used to have together. We made it work, and we love eachother for it, we're always learning from each other between our two otherworldly perspectives. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (6) And it's because of all these events that have made me research more and more on what it would take to build my soul towards new heights. I know I am better than I was yesterday. I have had a new job in the food industry that is far and away from the corporate nature that I was accustomed to, with food that is relatively healthy (I can get lettuce-wraps with anything), and a work culture that is friendly and authentic. The world I live in is a lot clearer, but there is still a level of depth that I chase after, a level of depth that, when activated, is too much responsibility to bare at times to navigate within. I know about fasting, about cold therapy, about meditation, about biohacking, about what health could be achieved on Veganism, Keto, or Carnivore; and of what new parameters can be discovered when smoking weed or ingesting magic mushrooms. I attribute my understanding of The Black Dragon's soul and character as having been fortified by his positive attitude towards the people and circumstances around him, after many broken bones and surgical modifications in his lifetime, but having never once took a negative view on life to endure his condition in a state of complaint or ungratefulness being confined in a wheelchair. He is physically fit doing 500 push-ups every day now and has been popular with so many people because he has been so down to earth in my opinion, with intentionality so deep I owe it to his unique life experience and psychonutritional frequency of smoking weed regularly - it is to me the smoke that comes from this psychoanthropological colossus. Everytime that I smoke, the world becomes much deeper and real and that I come to realize the butterfly effect of my actions, and, well, it helps me to reveal what I had not faced or accepted within myself, and so too does it reveal how much love that he has for me and that I have for him. I would also attribute that the anxiety that comes from weed is more physiological than psychological at times because if, for instance, you are highly caffeinated, then you will really feel (through the amplicative properties of cannabis) the consequences of higher stress hormones that were not consciously aware to the user beforehand. It's a bit much for me when I smoke, I could not work while under its effect unless it was a microdose, as someone who has not had to carry the weight of responsibility with this expanded perception for his entirely life, with word becoming law and my actions having noticeable impact for as long as he has. That's why I believe, the more that you smoke and healthily function in that state of being, that having such a tolerance means that you are already profoundly connected to the world than those who are accustomed to the bliss that comes automatonic ignorance - a state of mind I have occupied for years during the keynote time where the brain is supposed to grow the most. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (7) But is this the only way? Is there not a more consistent means of becoming more mature and heightening my perspective? Will I have to gradually smoke to the point of a chimney in order to reclaim my humanity in order to exercise a deep capacity an individual's intentionality? I already take cold showers, I exercise moderately, I eat one meal a day and am no stranger to fasting... I abstain from junk food and sugar and now caffeine, but I feel it's not enough. Maybe I need to microdose weed to the point where connecting to the depth of this world and its phenomena becomes more natural, as if sobreity is the dream and weed allows oneself to wake up if one chooses to stay awake long enough (although I figure with the wrong habits which weed can amplify it can be a ticket towards escapism, munchies, and worse suicide for some - as the saying goes, it's not the substance it's the person). Or maybe I need to find a means to trip on magic mushrooms in order to reconfigure my mind entirely... if it even works that way? Or do I need to take Wim Hof's approach and discover the full potential of the human body by measure of extreme cold endurance through ice baths and deep breathing? Or do I need to accept from Tai Lopez that pain and trauma in the right direction towards stoicism is the only way to hardwire oneself to greater utility and success? Or do I need to follow Jordan Peterson in both psychotherapeutic prescription and diet by slowly increasing the load of responsibility I allocate myself with and to eliminate the physiological complication of eating high-glycemic grains, anti-nutrient vegetables, etc in a diet consisting of bio-availably raw/cooked animal products? Or perhaps I am not fasting long enough or hard enough in order to stimulate autophagy, neurogenesis, and so forth that may repair and grow what I lack in my own mind. Or am I just as old as my experience has carried me, from when I escaped that bubble? From age 20 to now, with every passing year - is that all the growth that I can expect - little by little, brick by brick (as Mel Robbins has put it) with only the testing and pushing of perceptual boundaries? Hell, perhaps all of these things will help with gradual application, but I am at a loss of certainty as to what will work. I want to feel a deeper empathy for people, I want to appreciate nature, I want to find greater spirituality in things, I want to make use of the potential I know that I have if I could only harness it fully. I don't want to work in the food industry while my worklife may better than in the past now. I want to really live life, I want to make my life count - I want to live a bigger life, and be able to handle all the new mechanisms I may come to discover - as if jumping into a mech suit which I know not of the controls and impacts it can deliver (essentially what smoking weed feels to me) and then truly mastering it. I want to reach my potential as a human being. I'm 24 and I wish to do more. I wish to build my soul.

Hi guys! Did anyone here try any of these strongest truffles from this site: https://www.wholecelium.com/magic-truffles.html Bobby recommended this site among few others to me. Looks good, I'm thinking of ordering some of these stronger truffles (there's a good combo of Druid, Hollandia and Alien for a decent price, plus thinking about taking Atlantis as well) and maybe 1 magic mushroom grow kit as well. I'm wondering how these stronger truffles compare with magic mushrooms, has anyone tried them both to be able to compare? While I'm at it, which of the magic mushroom grow kits do you recommend, I'm thinking about one of the following: Golden Teacher, Mazapatec or B+ (latter 2 recommended by Bobby). Which one could be best for a software developer looking for some motivation (and cognitive abilities improvement) to code? Thank you guys :)

Hi everyone, so the other day I took 10gs for the first time; my highest dose before this was 5gs. I would like to share my experience, but this is gonna be a long post. So first I need to give some background on myself. I'm 27 and have over 10 years of experience with psychedelics. During many of my psychedelic trips, I experienced what I perceived as a negative entity or demon. I eventually learned that All is One and this dark entity was more than likely the dark aspects of my psyche, also known as the Jungian Shadow. I had a very bad childhood. I was scarred by religion and had an abusive stepfather. Nothing sexual, just a lot of verbal trauma and belt whippings. About a year ago, I came to the conclusion that I have repressed a lot of emotions and aspects of myself; in other words, I have to integrate my Shadow into my conscious mind. So for the first time in my life, I decided to cultivate and eat mushrooms for spiritual and healing purposes. I had two 5g trips and one 2g trip. They were very spiritual and insightful but the dark side of myself did not come out. After watching Bobby's videos suggesting that the new heroic dose is 20-30gs, I decided to make that my goal. However, I wanted to work my way up to this, so I decided to eat 10gs. This was a solo trip in my friend's shop, which I'm very comfortable in. My Shadow seems to always come out when I listen to Arabic music. Not the cheesey shit but the stuff filled with strife, the link below is an example. https://youtu.be/Fiv64dKpJWk So I went to youtube and played such videos using the autoplay function. The mushrooms kicked in fast. I was being almost forcefully pulled to the couch and could hardly keep my eyes open. Upon lying down and closing my eyes, I felt this monumental presence that I assume was the shrooms. It was like a huge alien creature that hovered over me. The shrooms essentially stuck their "tentacles" in me. I did not resist. It felt as if the shrooms were sifting through my metaphysical body looking to pull out my dark emotions. This was very uncomfortable, very painful. It's as if the shrooms were pulling my Shadow out of my subconscious. I was seeing the darkest imagery, not conceivable to the sober mind. It was very difficult. I felt as if I had been pulled down to hell and was experiencing Satan (not in a religious aspect but as in the ultimate darkness). The Arabic music was playing. I witnessed my body begin to sing and drone to the music, much deeper than I've ever heard my voice. I did not command my body to do so. Then, this evil voice came from my mouth that seemed very foreign. I sort of freaked out at this point. The shrooms asked me, "isn't this what you wanted?" or something to that effect. I agreed that it was and let go. I went to the deepest, darkest hell. I honestly thought I was gonna die (I know shrooms have a tendency to get one to think this, nevertheless I still felt this way). Eventually, I began witnessing my body speak, without my command. I was purging out a lot of negative emotions. This was by no means a bad trip, just very challenging and intense. What's strange to me is, my shadow seemed to be Satan. My friend was having a solo 10g trip at the same time, just in the house. He had the same experience as me. His description of the creature he saw was almost identical to what I saw. The easiest way for me to describe it was endless eyes. Much more to it than that, that was just the overall theme. I believe the shrooms showed me my Shadow, which was my intention. However, I didn't expect my friend to see the same thing. I also can't believe that a part of me is that dark. In the end, I do not regret the trip, it was the ultimate challenge. Any of you ever had a similar experience?