Hi everyone, so the other day I took 10gs for the first time; my highest dose before this was 5gs. I would like to share my experience, but this is gonna be a long post.
So first I need to give some background on myself. I'm 27 and have over 10 years of experience with psychedelics.
During many of my psychedelic trips, I experienced what I perceived as a negative entity or demon. I eventually learned that All is One and this dark entity was more than likely the dark aspects of my psyche, also known as the Jungian Shadow.
I had a very bad childhood. I was scarred by religion and had an abusive stepfather. Nothing sexual, just a lot of verbal trauma and belt whippings.
About a year ago, I came to the conclusion that I have repressed a lot of emotions and aspects of myself; in other words, I have to integrate my Shadow into my conscious mind.
So for the first time in my life, I decided to cultivate and eat mushrooms for spiritual and healing purposes.
I had two 5g trips and one 2g trip. They were very spiritual and insightful but the dark side of myself did not come out.
After watching Bobby's videos suggesting that the new heroic dose is 20-30gs, I decided to make that my goal. However, I wanted to work my way up to this, so I decided to eat 10gs.
This was a solo trip in my friend's shop, which I'm very comfortable in. My Shadow seems to always come out when I listen to Arabic music. Not the cheesey shit but the stuff filled with strife, the link below is an example.
So I went to youtube and played such videos using the autoplay function.
The mushrooms kicked in fast. I was being almost forcefully pulled to the couch and could hardly keep my eyes open. Upon lying down and closing my eyes, I felt this monumental presence that I assume was the shrooms. It was like a huge alien creature that hovered over me. The shrooms essentially stuck their "tentacles" in me. I did not resist.
It felt as if the shrooms were sifting through my metaphysical body looking to pull out my dark emotions. This was very uncomfortable, very painful. It's as if the shrooms were pulling my Shadow out of my subconscious.
I was seeing the darkest imagery, not conceivable to the sober mind. It was very difficult. I felt as if I had been pulled down to hell and was experiencing Satan (not in a religious aspect but as in the ultimate darkness).
The Arabic music was playing. I witnessed my body begin to sing and drone to the music, much deeper than I've ever heard my voice. I did not command my body to do so. Then, this evil voice came from my mouth that seemed very foreign.
I sort of freaked out at this point. The shrooms asked me, "isn't this what you wanted?" or something to that effect. I agreed that it was and let go.
I went to the deepest, darkest hell. I honestly thought I was gonna die (I know shrooms have a tendency to get one to think this, nevertheless I still felt this way).
Eventually, I began witnessing my body speak, without my command. I was purging out a lot of negative emotions.
This was by no means a bad trip, just very challenging and intense.
What's strange to me is, my shadow seemed to be Satan. My friend was having a solo 10g trip at the same time, just in the house. He had the same experience as me. His description of the creature he saw was almost identical to what I saw.
The easiest way for me to describe it was endless eyes. Much more to it than that, that was just the overall theme.
I believe the shrooms showed me my Shadow, which was my intention. However, I didn't expect my friend to see the same thing. I also can't believe that a part of me is that dark.
In the end, I do not regret the trip, it was the ultimate challenge.
Any of you ever had a similar experience?